User blog comment:MichaelDiaz101/Michael's a Junior: Part 34/@comment-3027764-20131103165428

Good descriptives, and a nice touch that Charles would want to patch things up with his girlfriend. The prank, was funny.

Only problem for me, was the dialogue all being cluttered up in one paragraph for some parts. If I may make a suggestion, a new line for each person that speaks makes it less confusing, and if there is something that happens, that's not tied to the dialogue, a new line for that too. Having '____ asked' or '____ said' isn't always needed.

Like this bit here;

''On his way Charles came up behind him. "Hey, dude. Wanna go prank the Jocks?" Charles asked. "Well we should go to class and learn and shit." Michael replied sarcastically, with that usual 'lets fucking do this' grin across his face. They went on their way to the Gym. They got in the locker room before the Jocks even got in there.''

Perhaps put it like this;

''On his way Charles came up behind him. "Hey, dude. Wanna go prank the Jocks?" ''

''"Well we should go to class and learn and shit." Michael replied sarcastically, with that usual 'lets fucking do this' grin across his face. ''

''They went on their way to the Gym. They got in the locker room before the Jocks even got in there.''

Without these changes, it doesn't ruin the story at all. With them, it's just easier to read.