Board Thread:Bully Fanon Writing Club/@comment-5385060-20151229013314/@comment-2173402-20151229015423

I like what you've done so far. Personality-wise, she seems really spot on. I don't see a single piece of her that could be considered as being kind. She seems like an all-out bitch, which is what I think you've tried to accomplish.

You said be brutal, so I just got one thing that sticks out to me. Kirby. From what I gather from him, he seems like a pretty sweet guy. Sure, he can be kind of a twerp, but all the jocks are kind of twerps. Why does he bother hanging out with her? I think she should have maybe some sort of blackmail or something over him, 'cause he doesn't strike me as the type of person to want to stick around someone as nasty as she is. Or that he just wants to hook up with her or something. I think he'd need motivation to hang out with her, she doesn't really seem the type to be kind to someone, even if within the clique.

That said, I also don't really get why Bo and Dan put up with her shit. Casey, Luis, and Juri all have their motives--she's kissed them once, she'll do it again--but she deems Bo and Dan not cute enough. Dan's a little too much of a hothead to put up with that, and Bo's smarter than that. Are they under Ted's command to be nice to her, and put up with her?

Besides that, I think you've done a good job with her. She's really believable. The only questions I have really have more to do with the characters reacting to her, but Kyla herself is well developed.