User blog:SodaCat/Millstone - panacea

pan·a·cea

pa-nə-ˈsē-ə

noun

a solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases

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 36 days before

 November 26th, 2007

 Monday

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I didn’t see him again for almost a month. I mean, I guess that’s not entirely true—I saw him in the dorm and around school but only for a couple minutes at a time, except for lunch. But he was usually jumpy around lunch, wolfing his food down and trying to get outta there as soon as he could. Lunch was the only time I could ever get a real good look at him, and it wasn’t good.

His hair was a mess, stickin’ up every which way so that he looked like the doll from Child’s Play. That, and his eyes were sunken in and dark all around as if he hadn’t been sleeping. It was weird and striking—purplish brown surrounding his blue eyes. He spoke fast, his eyes darting all over the place as if he was scared someone was gonna come and grab him at any moment.

In the dorm he was already asleep by the time I got there, only a shock of red hair visible from under his sheet, and him curled up in a ball underneath it.

Mondays, the guys and us usually had this tradition where we’d all go out to eat for dinner—to make the shittiness of Mondays a little less and everything—and Wade had been missing it since after Halloween. We definitely noticed it when it started happening, but nobody commented on it until that day.

“Hey Gurney, what’s up with Wade?” Trent asked, his mouth full of a double cheeseburger and a little of it flying out and hitting me in the face. He was so fucking disgusting sometimes. I wiped it off, makin’ sure to glare at him.

“Yeah,” Ethan added, takin’ the consideration to actually swallow before he opened his mouth, “he’s never around anymore. You two break up or something?”

I wish. He would’ve taken that a whole lot more lightly than he was taking the Lainey thing. “I don’t know,” I answered, honestly. “I only see him when you guys see him. He’s always asleep by the time I get to the dorm.”

Trent shrugged, losing interest fast. Not ‘cause he was a bad person or anything; this type of matter was just lost on him. As far as he knew, Wade was in the process of planning a surprise party or something. But it caught everyone else’s attention, and they all looked up at me, worried. Trent even caught the gist and stopped eating for a second.

“He’s not even talking to you?” Davis mumbled, his eyes full of concern and worry and apprehension, even. He exchanged a look with Ethan and it made me uncomfortable, that everybody knew there was somethin’ wrong with Wade and even I knew it but we also all knew that I had no clue how to deal with it.

He took a second before talking again. “That’s not a good sign,” Davis said, taking a deep breath and lookin’ straight at me. “There’s something else going on with him.”

“You don’t think I know that?!” I shot back instantly, feeling defensive. “Of course there is! It’s that stupid girl, Lainey! Ever since they broke up he’s just shut down!”

They all look taken aback by that, and it made enough sense. Years of being his best friend, he was rubbing off on me. “We’re just worried about him, man,” Troy muttered, looking up at me.

I sighed and nodded. “I know guys, just… I don’t know what’s going on with him. Look, I’m gonna take off, okay? I’m tired and… shit, maybe if I get there early enough I’ll be able to talk to him.”

Nobody said anything, just kinda nodded and gave me that look when a whole group thinks you’re being defensive and stuff but nobody wants to really bring attention to it, so they all just let you carry on your way. So I said goodnight, threw my trash out, and strolled out the door back to Bullshit Academy.

The dorm was mostly empty, but I could hear some music playing from one of the dorms—just my luck, mine. Bracing myself for some discussion that was gonna be heated and uncomfortable and would probably end with somebody (probably Wade) crying, I opened the door and stepped in.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, the smell of pot. Honest, it was cloudy in the room. Cloudy and heavy, it was a wonder that the prefects weren’t kicking the door down. Wade was in the dorm—awake for once—lying on his bed with a blunt in his hands, staring up at the ceiling as if it were full of stars.

“Tom Gurney,” he mumbled, drawing it out long so it sounded more like Tooommmmm Gorrrrrney instead of my actual name. “Welcome.”

I really didn’t know what to say. He was high as hell, obviously, with some guy that I’d never seen him hanging out with. Some guy who’d graduated last year, with his hair up in a mohawk and the tips of it dyed real bright green. He was wearing eyeliner, and his face was full of piercings—and I mean full. He didn’t say anything when Wade greeted me.

“Hey man,” I said back cautiously, takin’ a step in and shutting the door behind me before some cop dog came barking, “what’s up?”

Wade let out a long breath, with it coming a ton of smoke. He looked like a dragon. “What’s up,” he replied, making it sound like a statement instead of a question. “What’s down. What’s around. Really dude, who knows?”

I blinked at that, ‘cause it sounded deep if you listened to his tone but content-wise it was a load of bullshit. I’d never heard Wade get ‘intellectual’ like that, and that moment right there I decided I never wanted to hear him get like that ever again.

“I’m gonna take off. Let me know when you need more,” the mohawk kid said, straightening up and glancing at me, giving me this real shady smirk and wink before he strolled outta the dorm room before I could argue. He left the door open.

At that moment I got mad—real mad. I shot after the dude and slammed the door shut, making Wade jump in surprise, and then slammed my hand down on his stupid boombox to shut off the crappy music he was blasting.

Wade blinked for a couple seconds, like he was really gathering himself. “What was that for?” he asked finally, real calmly, holding his blunt away from himself to avoid putting it out.

That alone drove me crazy. I reached out and grabbed the blunt from him, smashing it against the wall with my palm, ignoring the slight pain that came from the lit end until the thing fell apart and left an ugly mark on the wall. I looked at him, his arms splayed out like they did when he was getting ready to fight. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me, man?” I asked him.

He shut his mouth, his jaw real tight and I could see his muscles. “Getting high with some asshole? Is that your dealer? Is that what you are now, some sorry fuck who buys drugs from idiots who graduated and stuck around ready to start selling shit to other idiots?”

He didn’t say anything, just kept his mouth shut. He looked away from me, fiddling with his hands. I could tell he wanted a cigarette.

“Why are you doing this? Is it ‘cause of Lainey?” I shouted at him, desperate at that point for some sort of reaction from him.

“Don’t say her name,” Wade hissed back, standing up and putting his hands on my shoulders, shoving me. And then he retreated, this horrified look on his face. “Sorry, man, oh my god, I’m sorry… but… but… but fuck off!”

To sum it up, he looked as if he was losing his mind. He smacked himself on the forehead a couple times before shutting his eyes tight, and then sat back down on his bed. As if he was fighting himself. It hurt to look at.

I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what could I say?

He stood up, grabbing his jacket and shooting out the door. Wordlessly, I followed, grabbing his arm in the hall. “Where are you going?” I demanded.

“I’m going out,” Wade muttered, yanking his arm away from me. “Don’t follow me.”

All of this, over a girl.