User blog:SodaCat/Muse - Chapter 10: Snowfall

"What the hell do you think you're doing, man?" Casey asked, shoving Jesse into their dorm the moment they stood in front of the door.

Jesse stumbled in, his feet tangling in a par of boxers somebody had decided to just toss onto the floor. Regaining his balance, he shot an annoyed look at Casey. "What are you talkin' about, man?"

Casey shut the door behind them, striding up to Jesse and continuing in a hushed, urgent whisper. "You know what I'm talking about! What are you doing fooling around with Ted's girl, man?! Are you crazy? This violates guy code on so many levels!"

Rolling his eyes, Jesse slumped down onto his bed. "As if I'm the first guy to go after Mandy behind Ted's back," he shot back, annoyed. Shit, even Damon's gone after Mandy, and he's supposed to be Ted's best friend. Casey couldn't seriously be freaking out this much just 'cause Jesse'd gone for a shot.

"There's a big difference between going after and actually kissing," Casey retorted, rolling his eyes. Even he wasn't stupid enough to confuse that.

Jesse shrugged, laying down onto his pillow and crossing his arms behind his head. He didn't care what Casey said, it wasn't like Ted would even care. He and Jesse were way too tight. Jesse wouldn't care if Ted hooked up with Christy, so he really doubted Ted would bat an eyelash at Jesse just kissing Mandy. "I don't see the big deal," he said nonchalantly to Casey.

Casey shook his head, getting more and more frustrated with Jesse. "You'll get it when he finds out."

That struck a nerve. Jesse sat up abruptly, glaring directly at Casey. "What, are you tellin' me you're gonna tell him?"

Crossing his arms, Casey mirrored Jesse's glare. "Why shouldn't I?"

They remained like that for a couple beats, glaring at each other as if they hated each other. It didn't take long for them both to break.

"I just don't want you to get fucked over 'cause of one chick," Casey admitted, sighing. Jesse considered this for a moment, nodding.

"I know man but... she's different."

Casey studied his best friend, uncertain of what to do. On one hand, he'd never heard Jesse refer to any girl as different, and it was pretty clear he felt something for Mandy, nothing like what he'd "felt" for Angie or Christy or any of the chicks from the public school, but something real. Yet, on the other hand, he knew how dangerous, and stupid, and just plain wrong this was.

"I'm telling you man, it's a shit idea."

Well, that was just a risk Jesse would have to take.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It'd been a couple weeks since Casey had warned him, and Jesse was still thinking about it as he worked diligently in the dark room after school. He had to get the prints done before five o' clock; it was a miracle Crabblesnitch had even let him in today, being as it was Christmas Eve. He was just lucky the drama class kids had to be in the auditorium today to set up for their stupid Christmas play or pageant or whatever, so the front door was unlocked to begin with.

On the table behind him were prints already drying off, each one a noir window to moments in his past, mainly moments in which Mandy was present. At the beach, in class, around town, laughing, smiling, frowning--anything, but all her. Most of them were candid.

Things had not changed between them since the day on the beach when he had kissed her. If anything, they were more 'the same' as they'd ever been. They still sat together during Photography, he still flirted with her and she still resisted.

Casey hadn't made good on his threat either, and honestly, Jesse hadn't expected him to anyway. Ted remained clueless, still laughing it up and yelling across the locker room with Jesse before and after practices. Jesse was still included when Ted and Damon wanted to head out into town, welcomed with open arms and missed when he couldn't go because of some bullshit detention.

Jesse sighed to himself as he set yet another shot of Mandy out to dry. He didn't know when it'd happened, or why, but he was pretty sure she was the reason for his skills in Photography. He could still remember his first shooting assignment, when he'd handed in and Ms. Philips had stopped, surprised that a Jock as laid back as himself could capture something so vividly. Hell, the entire class was in shock the moment one of Jesse's prints was shown to them. Before long, a whole bunch of little art nerdlings were asking him to join on their clubs. That weird Goth kid, Constantinos, had even asked him to join the Yearbook team.

She was his muse, it was plain and simple. Every emotion the film or the back of his digital camera held, it was all due to her. Up until today he didn't even know what to label it. Whenever he saw her, his day brightened, he couldn't hear anything but the smooth sound of her voice. From dissing an insecure girl to opening up about how much Ted hurt her, Jesse found anything Mandy said to be soothing.

And just like that, he knew he had to tell her.

 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The wind blew delicately around Mandy's thin form as she stood by City Hall that afternoon in Bullworth Town.

About half an hour ago, Jesse had texted her, asking her to meet him. All the better, though; she'd been meaning to speak with him alone for a while. It was kinda difficult to do that, what with her trying to avoid him to the best of her abilities.

The unmistakable sound of leaves crunching underneath heavy Hinterland boots caught her attention, signaling to her that Jesse had arrived. He stood a couple feet for her, a thick navy blue scarf around his neck, his letterman jacket buttoned up, a pair of light blue jeans on his legs, and a huge smile on his face.

"Fancy seein' you here," he said slowly, his voice carried out by the snow-kissed wind towards her. He began approaching her, and Mandy found herself unable to move. There was something about his voice that kept her anchored there. It was as smooth as chocolate dipped in caramel.

Within seconds he stood in front of her, his lips pressed to her forehead and his hand taking her own. "I came here 'cause I need to tell you somethin', and it ain't somethin' I ever told nobody before."

She held her breath, unable to help feeling just a little bit excited. She had a vague idea she knew what it was, but she wasn't exactly ecstatic to hear it.

Jesse took a deep breath, smiling down at her, taking her anticipation for joy. "I think I'm in love with you," he mumbled quietly, the world around him suddenly muting itself. All he could hear were her breaths and the crunching of snow underneath her feet.

Mandy opened her mouth to speak, but found her voice had left her. She told herself to tear her hand away from him and run to Bullworth, into Ted's arms, but she was left unable. Something in his gray eyes kept her glued to where she stood.

It took a couple seconds to process he was nearing her, the intention to kiss her apparent as his eyes began slipping shut, and as his arms wrapped themselves around her tightly.

"I can't," she blurted out instantly, the realization of what was happening granting her her movement once again, and she jumped away from him as if he were on fire.

"I can't," she repeated, oddly out of breath, "I can't do this to Ted. I love Ted. And he... he loves me, too. I can't do this to him. Especially not on Christmas."

Jesse stared back at her, a bit lost and hazy. What the hell? Ten seconds ago he was about to kiss the girl he loved. Now she was telling him all sorts of crazy things.

"You said he loves playin' video games more than he likes spendin' time with you," Jesse replied bluntly.

She winced at that, a bit hurt he'd remind her of it. "That doesn't mean I should just go ahead and cheat on him... with one of his best friends."

He felt his insides crashing down, but he couldn't feel any grief, not yet anyway. Something else was bubbling inside him. Something familiar, something he'd last felt on his birthday.

"You're tellin' me, you hate the way he treats you, but as soon as I try and save you from it you're gonna push me away? What happened to all that cuddlin', huh? Tellin' me you were so grateful for me? Kissin' me on the beach that day like it was readin' the mornin' paper?"

Mandy shivered as his voice began raising, his eyes turning from sweet and soft to cold and unforgiving in the pale streetlight. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't know what I want right now and--"

"Like hell you don't know what you want right now!" Jesse roared, his heartbeat soaring. What the fuck was happening? Why was she doing this now? Sweet Jesus, he just told her he loved her and this was how she was gonna treat him?

"What is it? You want both of us, huh? The entire football team? Is that it? Ain't it enough for little miss goddamn head cheerleader?" He screamed, knowing the townsfolk around him were starting to stare. Frustrated, he kicked over a Christmas decoration into the ground and turned to glare at her.

Mandy stood silent, motionless. She'd seen him like this once before. When he nearly killed those two Townie kids. Only this time, Casey wasn't around to calm him down.

"You're full of it, Mandy! You're goddamn full of it!" He screamed, pulling something out of his pocket and slamming it down onto the snow below his feet. "And I'm sick of it!"

He let out one final, frustrated huff of air, before turning on his heel and striding away from her just as easily as he'd come. Mandy kneeled down and picked up the object he'd thrown. It was a locket, with the picture of them on the beach inside.