User blog comment:TheToughGuy/The Next Year At Bullworth For C-Money: Chp. 22/@comment-5283064-20120619173632/@comment-4675595-20120621003516

Maybe start by rereading Memai's blog post? There's a lot that can be improved on here, so it's best to take it one step at a time. Just pick a place to start - plot, characterization, and grammar seem to be your biggest issues. I'll be more than happy to help you, if you'd like. Just drop by my talk page and let me know where you'd like to start :>