User blog comment:TheToughGuy/The Final Year At Bullworth For C-Money: Chp. 20/@comment-1824274-20130601014942

You don't have to directly say the reference, like "related to kingpin Tommy Vercetti of Vice City in 1986"

It doesn't sound like something a person would say in a conversation, it just seems so odd, like C-Money is a fact-checking machine or something. It sounds really robotic, if you ask me.

You could clean it up by saying something like, "I think he's related to a drug kingpin down in Vice City" You already said his name was Clayton Vercetti, so we already get the reference. You always have to remember, that the reader isn't an idiot, and doesn't need things literally spelled out for them.

I know this sounds like a harsh criticism, but I don't know how else to put it. Forgive me.