User blog:SodaCat/Millstone - Introduction

time.
They say that people who die young didn't live long enough.

I don't think that was the case for him, at least not entirely. Sure, seventeen years isn't really that much time for a guy, but I think there was something more important he missed out on, and it wasn't the length of his life.

I don't think he lived enough.

I don't think he had enough times to just sit with me in the park, smoking. I don't think he drank enough Beam Colas. I don't think he puked enough at the carnival with me. I don't think he got enough detentions. I don't think he copied off my homework enough times.

Looking back on it, it's like he barely lived at all. I guess, in a scientific way, he did; he breathed and walked and ate and stuff, and his heart beat fine and his brain worked okay. But the majority of his time doing any of that stuff was also spent worrying, and just being plain angry. He was angry a lot.

I don't know if I feel sad for him. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm just fine with this, any of this. I just don't know if I should feel sad for him. If anything, I think I'm even a little jealous of him. I think he knew all along what he wanted. That kind of terrifies me, knowing the real meaning of that now, but at the same time, I'm jealous of that. The certainty of what he thought, what he felt.

I think he was the only person I've ever known who actually knew what he wanted.



A/N - Yeah, I'm out of my mind so I decided to start this fic now before the idea just runs off on me. Sorry for the mystery... if any of y'all wanna guess who the speaker is, go ahead ;) Or if you wanna guess who he's talking about.

Hint: It's not Gary or Pete, for either of those.