User blog:WayfinderOwl/Boom, Baby: The Milo Lopez Experience - Ch. 1: Clownish Nightmare

 Squeaks and music that sent shivers down my spine. Repetitive but hectic. Circus music everywhere. I found myself in the doorway of the carnival funhouse. Clowns were everywhere. Spraying water flowers. Bouncing from one floppy squeaky shoe to the other. Dropping their baggy pants, and them springing back up. Pulling chains of handkerchiefs out of their sleeves. Bright colored wigs.  I dropped to my knees, head in my hands screaming. They were everywhere.  What the hell was going on?  Five seconds ago, I heard the name of the stranger named Johnny Gat, now I’m in my own personal hell.  I ran over to the shooting range stall, jumped over the counter.  My heart racing to fast, it hurt.  “Why the fuck did it have to be clowns?” I muttered.  I grabbed the pellet gun, stood and fired. All it let out were stars and flowers. More clowns flooded out the funhouse.  Nothing for it.  I jumped back over the counter, threw the gun at the nearest clown. It exploded into stars and flowers, spawning three new clowns. All of them identical to the last one.  I ran towards the entrance, dodging around some of the bright wigged creatures coming out the prize tents. Out the gate, I looked around for a car—anything to escape. Fuck it, I’d settle for a BMX right now. I ran down the tunnel. A car pulled up, and clowns started pouring out.  I charged towards the car, dived in through the passenger side door, and put my foot down. All the doors but the driver side one burst open, and clowns started flooding out. They stopped spawning as I sped past the school. Going in there wasn’t a choice. Nothing there for me.  Bullworth Town, New Coventry: both to them brimming with clowns. In New Coventry, they were all wearing sad tear make up, and leather jackets.  I came to an abrupt stop at the bridge to Blue Skies.  There was nothing there. Not the neighborhood with all my crew, or water. Nothing. Empty space. Every part of it gone, as if it never existed.  Pulling a u-turn, I sped back to the academy. Clowns wearing Aquaberry danced in the middle of the road outside the gates. They spread out across the road, blocking the way. I grabbed something out the back. A big floppy shoe. Typical. Where is a baseball bat when you need it? I got out the car, hit a clown with the shoe and ran through the gates. I tried veering off towards the boys’ dorm—my dorm room had be there. The chemistry set, I could mix up a couple of stink bombs. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> A clown stood there, twisting balloons into the shape of a car. I grabbed a rock off the ground, and threw it as hard as I could. The balloon exploded, taking the clown with it. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I got an idea. The nerds had plenty of weapons. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Dodging clowns, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me towards the football field, all the way down to the path leading towards the observatory. The gates were open. I ran inside, and slammed them shut. Found a crowbar on the grass nearby, and jammed it through the door handles. I ran up the stone steps, to the spud cannon over the gate. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I fired a couple of spuds to make sure it worked. It did. Clowns came flooding towards the observatory. I fired spud after spud, exploding clowns. More spawned, but I was glad the cannon didn’t run out of ammo. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The skies rippled purple. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I let out a startled scream. A clown spawned beside me, and clubbed me over the head with a balloon animal dog. I stumbled, falling off the wall, landing on the grass outside the walls. The gate was still locked tight—I had made sure of that. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Scrambling to my feet, I ran around the swarm of clowns, heading back to the football field. The clowns flickered, growing at least two more feet in height. That is exactly what I fucking needed. Eight foot clowns after me. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Only thing I hadn’t tried was my own legendary talent. I ran to the parking lot. Crabblesnitch’s car. As I approached it, clowns started flooding out in their dozens. I popped the hood. There was no engine. Empty space, just like Blue Skies Industrial Park. A balloon the size of van bounced off my back, sending me headfirst into empty space in the hood. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> BOOM! <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The car exploded, taking me with it. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I came around outside the funhouse again. This time I headed straight to the spawning clown car. Headed straight to Bullworth Academy. Wasted no time messing around. Tried to blow up Crabblesnitch’s car, and was sent into the engine empty space, and caught in the explosion. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Each time I respawned, I made it to the car, and begun searching for something to get rid of them. At least some cars. Each neighborhood had one; Old Bullworth Town it was in the shopping plaza, Bullworth Town’s was outside Dragon’s Wing, New Coventry’s was near the BMX park, and Crabblesnitch’s was the one in the academy parking lot. I tried to stay away, but something pulled me towards them, and I was caught in the explosion. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I lost count how many times I replayed my personal hell. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> After dying in a car explosion in Bullworth Town, I spawned back at the funhouse. I wasn’t alone. The man named Johnny Gat. He looked the same as when I’d seen him before, except for his clothes. Instead of the tight fitting space suit, he had a light gray and purple jacket over a white shirt, baggy jeans, purple and white high tops. Two gold chains around his neck. Brandishing around bulky gun in each hand, that I didn’t recognize. He threw one to me. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Follow my lead,” he said. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “I tried killing them, they just respawn three at a time.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “This ain’t no normal gun.” To prove his point, he blasted the nearest clown. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> It exploded into tiny squares like pixels, and disintegrated away. Gone. Didn’t come back. As if it didn’t exist. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I shot one, and disintegrated a clown with dropping pants. “Oh, hell yeah!” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> We made our way through the carnival, killing clowns. Moving and shooting. After the thirtieth mass of exploded pixels, I kissed the barrel of the gun. Such destruction. Oh, sweet chaos, where have you been all my life?! <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> A woman spoke. Her voice was everywhere, but nowhere at the same time. “Get out of there. A hoard of clowns swarming towards you.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Do what you can to hold them back. Send us some help, Kinzie.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Make them hot girls,” I said, trying my luck. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Alright,” Kinzie replied, in a bored tone. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I followed Johnny towards the prize tent. Instead of clowns, three hot girls. One dressed as a sexy kitten, one as a panda, and the last as a tiger. All three of them were smoking hot, dressed extremely skimpy in clothes that left nothing to the imagination; exactly my type. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I slung the gun over my back, slipping between the kitten and the panda. “Hey, babes, how about I show you the universe in the glow of a car fire?” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> All three of the girls jumped up and down, clapping and giggling. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Thank you, Kinzie,” I said, looking skyward. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Not my doing,” she replied. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “You are quite welcome,” said some British guy.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Kinzie, Matt, mind focusing on our job?” Johnny said. He didn’t even look at the girls, or anything but the gate. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “A car comes,” I told Johnny. “Normally I get out the carnival, and a car pulls up. I can drive it, but clowns swarm it whenever I get close to the school.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Matt, mind doing something about that?” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Johnny didn’t linger. He headed towards the turnstile gates, gesturing me and the sexy girls to follow him. I did so. All three of the girls drew weapons just like ours. Johnny told me they were Genki Girls, from some game show in a place called Steelport. Now that was a show I wanted to see. Any show with skimpy dressed girls, pretending to be animals. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Only a few clowns lingered outside, dancing away. We made quick work of them, and ran down towards the pier front. The car pulled up, but it exploded. In its place was a car that made me fall in love. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> An open top car, reminding me of a Tornado. Fitted with a golden hood ornament of a man with a big cat head. White and pink, adorned with golden trimmings. Guns attached above the headlights. Four lights on the back. GENKIBOWL VII on the side. It was gorgeous. Too beautiful to blow up. No a beauty like this should be treasured. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Get in,” Johnny said, jumping in the passenger seat. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The girls got in the back. I slipped into the driver seat, enjoying every moment. I’d be wounded to see it go. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “What good will this do?” I asked. “Driving around just draws them.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Mow them down. Once the car is charged, you’ll like what it does,” said Johnny. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I drove through the streets, mowing down all the clowns I saw, until I reached the car in Old Bullworth Town park. Johnny flipped the cap off the top of the gear shift, to reveal a red button and told me to press it. I didn’t need telling twice. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Fire blasted out of the guns on the hood, exploding the car in an inferno. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Boom, baby!” I yelled. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I set off towards Bullworth Town in search of the car, mowing down more clowns and charging up the flamethrower guns. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “All for you girls,” I said, shooting a wink at the girls in the back seat to their amusement. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The car veered off the road, and took out two clowns and a street lamp. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “They ain’t real,” Johnny told me. “None of this is. Just a nightmare playing over again.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “I spent a year in an asylum. Real or not, I’m going for it.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Five. Nearly lost my fucking mind.” Johnny went on to tell me about his personal hell. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The second car went up in flames. To get the next car, I had to drive around New Coventry a couple of times to charge up the flamethrower. I felt invincible. Clowns could crawl out the woodwork for all I cared. The car—our Genkimobile—was perfection. As hot as the three Genki Girls in the backseat. We were ultimate destruction on four wheels. The one car in the world I could never blow up. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The streets were empty, as I approached the academy. Empty flamethrower gauge. Bullworth all to ourselves. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Shit,” I muttered. “Any clowns out there?” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “None. The last car removed them from the simulation,” said the British guy I assumed to be Matt. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Then how do I charge the flamethrower?” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I had an idea. I put my foot down, speeding down the driveway to the parking lot. Slammed the bumper against Crabblesnitch’s car, moving it a couple of feet out of the parking space. Reversed, and rammed it until the car rolled over. Upside down, and the underside exposed. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Parking the Genkimoble as far away from it as I could, I climbed out. Pulled the flamethrower canister off the hood, along with the Professor Genki hood ornament. Stabbed a hole in the canister, and threw it at Crabblesnitch’s car like a loaded grenade. It went up in flames, exploding and littering the parking lot with debris. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> The girls got out the car, cheering. I put my arms around two of them. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Johnny got out the car. “Enjoy yourself. See you when you wake up.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Where is my body?” I asked. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “In the simulation pod of our ship.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “And my friends?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “We’ll talk about that later.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> Johnny disintegrated, and I was left alone with my Genki Girls. And damn, they were hot. The Genkimobile fixed itself—this Matt guy probably had something to do with that. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Ladies,” I said, opening the car door. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> They climbed into the back seat, the panda I made sure she sat in the front with me. Her blue hair, it reminded me of someone. Someone real special. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> “Oh, yeah,” I said, climbing into the driver seat. <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 14.2pt; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"> I had a seriously bitchin’ car. Three hot chicks. Bullworth all to myself.