User blog comment:SirLinkalot96/The Greg Ryder Saga: Part 5: Chapter 13: A Strained Friendship/@comment-4675595-20130702223636

Watch your tenses! You shift back and forth from past tense to present and then back again, like when everyone "dropped" their cards and "stared" at C-Money, then Charles "gets" out of his chair. It doesn't matter if your story is in past or present tense, just as long as it remains consistent :)

Also, out of curiosity, who is Bradi and why does she hang around the guys so much? I don't think I've ever caught a chapter with her actually doing anything yet.