User blog:SodaCat/Bullworth Nights - Style: Chapter 10: Train Tracks

It's snowing gently as Johnny and Alexis approach the familiar abandoned train station, their hands in the respective pockets of their jackets.

Alexis watches as her breath comes out in little puffs in front of her, unsure of what to say. She hadn't been expecting to see Johnny at all today, especially not with how rocky everything had become between them, especially not with knowing that he had someone else waiting for him. The fact that he'd appeared out of nowhere, so suddenly, and had taken her to their old meeting spot was even more bewildering.

They silently come to a stop, taking a seat on the concrete platform of the station. Johnny reaches into his pocket, eyes cast down, before fishing out two cigarettes.

"You got a light?" he asks quietly, not looking at her.

Automatically, her hands fly to the different pockets of Peanut's old leather jacket, before coming up empty, save for a lone match. She frowns, unhappy at the idea of disappointing him. Great, now all they have are just two unlit cigarettes. This is already going down the toilet, and he's barely spoken a full sentence to her.

"This is all I got," she replies, holding it out to him as if it were a ticking bomb rather than a harmless piece of wood.

"That'll work," Johnny counters simply, taking the match from her fingerless glove covered hands and flicking it up against his upper teeth. Alexis watches in amazement as the match, miraculously, lights into a small but fierce flame.

"Jeez," she mumbles, letting out a shaky breath as she allows Johnny to light her cancer stick for her, "you just got about a million tricks up your sleeve, don'tcha?"

Johnny shrugs it off as if it were nothing, but he is unable to completely hide the small smile that arises from the fact that little things he does impress her. "Somethin' like that," he replies cooly, lighting his own cigarette and taking a long, long drag from it.

Alexis traces a small 'A' into the snow gathering on the ground beside her on the cement flooring of the terminus with one of her fingers. She can feel the mood turning into a serious one, and she doesn't like it. The train tracks are as empty as they've always been ever since they'd found the place with Peanut back in the sixth grade, and she'd always liked the solitude of them. But right now, it was making her feel uneasy, and she doesn't like it, or the silence. She figures that if Johnny wants to drag her all the way out here, he can be the one to start the damn conversation.

"Are you still mad?"

Her green eyes flick up to him, unsurprised to see his own brown ones trained on a pebble or something on the ground in front of him. Johnny isn't real into talking about his feelings, so when he has to, he tends not to look at people. Sometimes Alexis can't remember if he picked it up from her, or if she had picked it up from him.

"No," she snaps, remembering her anger. She was mad, but she didn't want to talk about it. Besides, he knew damn well she hadn't been angry at him the last time they'd spoken.

Johnny takes a deep breath, trying to look for another opening. It's pretty clear she's lying, she's not that good of a liar to begin with, but he doesn't really know what else to say to her, anyway. So they just sit there, huddling closer to each other for warmth, puffing on their cigarettes. Neither of them saying a word, but yet an entire conversation exchanging between them. It sickens him.

"I meant it when I said it, y'know."

He looks up at her when she says this, a bit surprised. He knows what's coming, but he's stuck like the calm before a storm.

But she shies away from the subject, nervous. She's already made her feelings for him clear, and he's made his feelings about those feelings clear, too.

"Peanut tells me she ain't exactly the greatest neither," Alexis continues, reaching for his free hand automatically.

He lets out a heavy sigh, feeling guilty. There's a pretty good chance he shouldn't have screamed at her last time, but he can't really find the words or the willpower to apologize for it. He squeezes her hand gently.

"I couldn't help it, Lex" Johnny mumbles, the words stumbling out like bad poetry, "you were gone real long and it wasn't like I could just sit around waitin' for y--"

"You know damn well I didn't just up and leave by my own accords, Johnny Vincent, so don't fuckin' act like it," Alexis snaps, venom filling her voice. If there's one thing she's decided since the reality check he gave her, it's that she's done with this bullshit of him blaming her for leaving.

Johnny lets out a sigh, understanding this. It wasn't much of an excuse, anyway, to keep blaming her for leaving; he knows it wasn't her fault at this point.

"We broke up."

That catches her off guard, and her eyes once again flick up to meet his. "I thought you..."

"I know," he replies quietly, "I did too. But I guess she didn't."

Alexis watches him for a moment, unsure of what to do. What was she supposed to do? Comfort him? Shit, she didn't know how to comfort anybody. What'd he expect her to do? When she was upset she drank.

"That bites," she shrugs, finding herself not really caring.

He can't tell, and he finds himself intertwining his fingers with hers, appreciating her. He didn't have to be angry around Alexis, he could just be sad.

"I really thought she was the one, Lex," he says quietly.

Slowly, her jaw begins to tighten. Does he really expect her to sit here and play therapist? She didn't give a fuck what Johnny thought about Lola.

"From the day I saw her, I thought I was gonna marry her but then... she's cheatin' on me, man... and I didn't believe it 'cause I wanted to trust her. Can you believe that? Me, Johnny Vincent, killin' myself while she's whoring it out with that Gord-o kid and God knows who else."

He glances at Alexis, unable to read her expression. She looks so pretty there in the moonlight, her green eyes reflecting the white from the snow... and for a moment, he finds himself wanting to kiss her.

She could've slapped him at this moment. Did he seriously just drag her out here just to play therapy?

"I think I was wrong, though," Johnny says, unaware of the words coming out of his mouth, and maybe it was the whisky he drank before this or the sadness or both, but he finds himself meaning it as he says "'cause I think the right girl for me is right here."

Her reaction is like the slap in the face she wanted to give him but hadn't.

"No," Alexis sighs, letting go of his hand and standing. "Nah, man. I'm not doing this. You can't do this. You can't love me when you're lonely."

"I don't..." Johnny begins, but he stops.

Alexis lets out another sigh, expecting tears that just aren't coming this time. She accepts it, pleased with herself. "I love you, Johnny, and I'm real sorry you're hurtin', but I'm not doing this. I'm getting off this rollercoaster.

He stares at her for a second, confused. "This mean we ain't friends anymore?"

She shakes her head, unable to really picture that. "No. We're friends. I'm just gonna head to the dorm. My head hurts."

She jumps down from the platform and onto the snow, her hands wrestling with her blonde hair trying to keep it out of her face as the wind blows by. Getting on her bike, Alexis takes one final look at him and gives him a slight wave.

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stopping here bc i need to catch up muse & diamonds before the second part of this chap