User blog comment:Cdc1998/Random Questions from Charles/@comment-1824274-20130804195943/@comment-4675595-20130808103128

"t can also irritate me that sometimes feminists actually are anti-male, and advocate for discriminating against males, more or less. " Whooaaaa slow it down there friend. While I do agree that there are some issues within the feminist movement, and there are definitely some actual misandrists sprinkled about, the assumption that all or most feminists are man-hating hypocrits is unfair and disrespectful as fuck. Sure, there are plenty of women who idenfity as feminists who are angry at the society that hurts them, and I'm not saying you have to roll over and take it if someone starts making personal attacks, but try to at least think about what they're saying when they tell you something's wrong, instead of just dismissing them as "overly offended" just because their opinions make you uncomfortable.

"Why do men have to hold doors open for women? Why is it the man who usually proposes, not the woman? Why does the man have to ask the woman out on a date, and risk rejection?" These points here have NOTHING to do with feminism, and are actually products of the unbalance in society that feminism tries to get rid of. (Except the first point - that's just basic politeness, we should all hold doors opened for anybody when we have the opportunity.) The idea that men are the ones who have to ask out women, and not the other way around, is because it's generally accepted that a woman is "chosen" by the man - the old assumption that a relationship is about that the man wants first and foremost. And honestly, I don't see that kind of thing nearly as often these days - plenty of my female friends have asked out their boyfriends, and no one raised any eyebrows. Also, the reason men are generally "expected" to pay for dates, at least in the movies, is because people assume that women don't make enough money to be able to afford it, which is not necessarily true these days. It's ridiculous how many outdated stereotypes have stuck around over the years.

As for the "never hit a woman" thing, I agree, if a woman attacks you then you should absolutely defend yourself. Men can be abused by women in the same ways that women can be abused by men - it doesn't happen quite as often, but it does happen, and it's just as severe. Ideally, no one should be hitting anybody.

Honestly, despite the kinks in the movement, feminism is still necessary so PLEASE don't groan and roll your eyes the next time your female friend mentions being a feminist. People still believe it's right to justify assaulting a woman because her skirt was too short or she dared to be in a public space at night. Women are taught to be afraid of being alone in public or dressing a certain way or hanging with certain crowds, or doing anything that may "provoke" being raped or assaulted - young men get the occassional "hey don't hit girls" pep talks. Hell, me and just about every women I know has had at least a handful of incidents of a man making unwanted advances toward us in public, largely before any of us were even out of high school. Not just a "hey you're pretty, can I have your number?" deal, but honest-to-god sexual harrassment. No matter where you go, there's some man who feels entitled to make some crude comment on your appearance, or make a grab at you, because women are constantly being portrayed as prizes to be won instead of actual people. Women have definitely made strides as far as legal rights go, but there's still this underlying attitude that women in our society aren't quite equal - you can see it in the way people make casual jokes about things like ruffies and rape and assault, and roll their eyes if you call them out on it. You can see it in the way some men will relentlessly pursue a woman who wants nothing to do with him, because her refusal isn't enough, surely he just hasn't tried hard enough, and then turn and call them "frigid bitches" when they finally give up. Of course, not all men are like this, and attitudes are definitely changing, but you can't deny that this shit still happens and on an alarmingly regular basis.

I'm not trying to start an argument here, or tell you that men don't have problems either, but the whole "feminists are annoying" attitude needs to stop. If it bothers you so much when someone wants to talk about equality, you may need to take a step back for a second and think about what they're saying before you get defensive.

I'd be totally willing to talk about this on my talk page, because this is a whole different topic than what's being discussed in this blog and I'd rather not derail things any further.